What to do when joy feels far away

Right now, so many of us are feeling burnt out, run down and ground down. The changing seasons, an almost constant negative news cycle and one hell of a hangover from the last couple of years means our resilience is low, and when we feel that way, it can be difficult to connect with joy.

If that resonates with you - if you’re finding yourself feeling trapped in a stagnant state and struggling to prioritise the things that help, this post is for you. Here are 5 ways to find joy when it feels far away… 

Go back to basics

Whenever I feel myself tipping into burnout, the first thing I do is go back to basics. This can include;

• Resting and getting a full night’s sleep

• Finding ways to move my body that feels good to me

• Finding balance between work and play

• Making a proper meal, and striving to ensure I’m eating a balanced diet

• Cutting back on the things that make me feel sluggish

The main thing I focus on is rest and recovery, and finding ways to show my mental and physical health some care. When you’re not feeling great, and things feel overwhelming, it’s easy for these things to slip, which is why it can make such a positive difference once you go back to basics.

When you’re feeling in a slump, it can feel hard to get started with these basics so don’t be afraid to ask for help; whether that’s help making a meal, finding someone to help hold you accountable, or going for a walk with a friend. 

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries as well; whether that’s saying no to an evening event so you can have an early night, or not taking on extra work so you can prioritise yourself. 

Be conscious of what you are consuming

We can be so influenced by the content we consume, whether it’s podcasts, TV shows, or books - the list is endless. I know this is something I have to be careful of as well - I notice that if I’m slipping into feeling negative or cynical, it usually coincides with consuming more news or anxiety-inducing telly than usual.

And it’s not to say that those types of content are ‘bad’, it’s just that if you’re already in a funk, feeling burnt out or in a more negative headspace, this content is only going to reinforce these feelings.

Instead, turn to more uplifting or positive content - maybe it’s a playlist with some of your favourite songs, putting on a rom-com or choosing some comedy over a crime drama. 

The same goes for social media. When I’m feeling more vulnerable, I have to stop doom-scrolling on Twitter and be more intentional with which social media accounts I’m following and what podcasts I’m listening to - seek out the positivity online, and let that influence you instead. 

Try and reconnect with the present moment

At this time of year, it’s so easy to get caught up in the busyness of the season and feel like you’re always chasing your tail, which is why trying to reconnect with the present moment is so important.

Here’s an exercise I often do with coaching clients to help reconnect with what you actually want to do;

• Take a look at your diary for the next week or so and look at where you can find 2 uninterrupted hours. Whether it’s a Saturday morning or an evening after work - whenever you can squeeze it in and know you won’t be interrupted. 

• Don’t schedule anything to do in those two hours. If you need to take the kids somewhere or cook tea, then find the two hours somewhere else. 

• When the time comes to take those two hours, tune in and ask what the most present version of you wants to do with that time. It doesn’t matter what you do; have a nap, a long walk, bake, read a book, phone a friend - all that matters is connecting with the present version of you wants to do in the here and now.

It’s so easy to block time and have something planned for it - whether it’s taking the dog for a walk, cracking on with your to-do list or meeting a friend. Of course this is part of everyday adult life, but it can mean we feel disconnected from our present selves and what they are craving. Finding time every so often to tune into what you want to do at that exact time is a great way to reconnect with yourself.

What did you love to do as a child?

When our adult life is starting to feel negative or really full on, a way to shift out of this space is to ask yourself what you loved to do when you were a child. 

Something I often gravitate to is reading, something I’ve loved since I was little, and I find that  it is a great way for me to shift into a more positive mindset. For you it might be arts and crafts, writing, getting out into the fresh air, playing sport or going to a dance class. 

By leaning into a more playful mindset and reconnecting with something we’ve loved since we were little, we’re able to create a more positive environment that also helps us be more present in the moment. 

Make a list of your favourite parts of the day

Creating a list at the end of the day with joyful moments is one of my favourite ways to invite more joy into my day. 

There are two main benefits to creating a joyful list at the end of the day;

1) It’s going to help you relieve those moments, and give you double the value of those moments. 

Maybe it was going for a coffee, seeing a cute dog on your walk, or hearing a funny joke on the telly. It doesn’t have to be a major moment, but by noting down what made you smile, you relieve it and will create more of that positive energy you’re craving. 

2) Your joyful list will also help you tune into what brings you joy. The more we understand what everyday moments are bringing us joy, the more we can make changes to our life which invite more of those moments in.

At first, this may feel like quite a challenge, so start by writing just one thing which has brought you joy, and then start to see it grow. 

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There you have it - 5 things to do when joy feels far away. I’d love to know what you think of these tips, and of course, let me know if you give any of them a go!